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Cloud Kinski: The Best Space Alien Band on Planet Earth

Hume Humon Hume Humon Follow Jul 05, 2022 · 12 mins read
Cloud Kinski: The Best Space Alien Band on Planet Earth
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Cloud Kinski is a space alien band that plays on planet Earth. On July 1st, they released their first album Nanu on all Earthling streaming platforms. Their album dropped as they played Fusion Festival to a packed audience at the Cloud Cuckoo stage, a full aeroplane hangar. 30 eager Earthlings were successfully assimilated during the show.

Cloud Kinski at Fusion Festival.

Cloud Kinski are Real Space Aliens

Our goal is to consensually assimilate as many eager organisms in the universe as possible.

Q: Hi Cloud Kinski, are you real space aliens?

A: Yes, we are real space aliens.

Q: Then why do you look like humans with crazy cool makeup and costumes?

A: That is a disguise. Are you a real Earthling journalist human, Mr. Humon?

Q: Yes, I am a real Earthling journalist human. So what is your goal?

A: We are harmless. Our goal is to consensually assimilate as many eager organisms in the universe as possible.

Q: Sounds harmless.

A: Yes.

Q: How will you assimilate as many eager organisms in the universe as possible?

A: We believe the best way to do this is to become the best band in the universe. As the Beatles said, “Music make you lose control.”

Q: Where are you from?

A: Our tiny lonely forgotten planet has no name.

The Music of Cloud Kinski

Our electronic music must make everybody on planet Earth dance.

Q: Why do you play on planet Earth?

A: Earth music is the most popular music in the universe. Hence, Earth is the best planet to start with.

Q: What kind of music do you play?

A: Our electronic music must make everybody on planet Earth dance.

Q: So you play World Music?

A: Yes.

Q: Where do you get your ideas for your music?

A: It takes 27 light years for Earth music radio waves to reach our planet. We have tried to descramble the Earth music as well as possible and imitate them for our songs.

Q: Is that okay?

A: That is great! Creativity is a commons.

Q: Are there copyright issues?

A: There are 888,888,888,888,888,888,888,888,888,888,888,888,888,888,888,888,888,888,888,888,888,888,888,888 possible songs. We selected 11 songs we believe will please Earthlings.

Q: But isn’t there a legal gray area of what percentage similarity is fair use?

A: Yes. There is quantum uncertainty around Earthling legal issues. We have amortised our likelihood of success over all possible universes.

Q: What if Earthling labels like your music too much and say it belongs to them?

A: We have computed the probability of this. The worst case scenario is that the record label of the Beatles will completely assimilate our music. We would consider this a form of success.

Q: Are you on a record label?

A: We are not on an Earthling record label, but we would like to be. We are currently signed to The Cloud Kinski Explosion Extravaganza Universal Unlimited Intergalactic Dog-and-Pony Show label from our planet.

Q: What is the music industry like on your planet?

A: Our music industry is very primitive and unfair.

Q: What are the terms of your record label deal on your home planet?

A: We are their slaves.

Q: Can you legally sign to an Earthling record label?

A: No.

Q: Will there be problems with your home planet record label if you sign to an Earthling label?

A: No. Our home planet has a byzantine legal system that is incompatible with those of planet Earth. They have no jurisdiction here and we live outside of their domain.

Q: Amazing! Where do you live?

A: Berlin. It is a very safe place for aliens. And it has the best music on planet Earth. We never want to go home.

Cloud Kinski Cannot DJ

DJs can do anything.

Q: Why are you so envious of DJs?

A: We try to best mirror and imitate what we see in the dancing clubs on planet Earth. DJs are the most successful assimilating musical force on planet Earth, which we admire. We learned that last night a DJ saved someone’s life.

Q: Amazing!

A: Yes. DJs can do anything.

Q: Yes. DJs can do anything.

A: We play synths so we can be like DJs.

Q: Can Cloud Kinski DJ?

A: No, Cloud Kinski cannot DJ. We are sorry.

Q: Can Cloud Kinski use Ableton?

A: Yes, Cloud Kinski can use Ableton.

Q: Does Cloud Kinski use Ableton?

A: Our first album Nanu is based upon live recordings from our shows. We used our favourite multitrack recording takes for the album, except for “French Song / émoticône”. Our favourite take of French Song was recorded the first rehearsal we improvised this song. We post-produced the live recordings using Ableton.

Q: What does Nanu mean? Is it an alien word?

A: Nanu is Bengali slang for “(maternal) grandmother”.

Q: Nanu.

A: Nanu.

Fusion Festival

[Fusion Festival] is the best music festival we have ever assimilated.

Gibberish that Cloud Kinski gave us.

Q: How are you different than Earthling musicians?

A: Earthling musicians try to be mysterious or cool. We believe this is an error and an impediment to success and happiness. Our calculations demonstrate that authenticity is optimal.

Q: Where will Cloud Kinski play?

A: We will assimilate any Earthling venue with an audience that wants to dance if we are paid a fair sustainable amount of Earthling money.

Q: What is Fusion Festival?

A: Fusion Festival is a festival with over 70,000 attendees that has many dissimilarities from The Burning Man. Fusion Festival is the best music festival we have ever assimilated.

Q: Will you assimilate other music festivals?

A: Please invite us to assimilate your music festival.

Q: Will you assimilate Fusion festival again?

A: We would love to assimilate Fusion festival again!

History of Cloud Kinski

Q: Why is your band called Cloud Kinski?

A: We wanted to call the band Donald Trumpet, but that name was taken.

Q: Are you related to Klaus Kinski?

A: No relation.

Q: How long has Cloud Kinski been around?

A: We are the thirteenth lineup of Cloud Kinski. Cloud Kinksi was formed in 1971 in Cologne by ex-Can band members, with the prescient idea of starting a Deutsche rap outfit. Unfortunately, this concept was too ahead of its time. We saw little success for a number of Earth-years and decided to switch to electro music.

Q: Who is in the current lineup?

A: We currently have three musicians and as many extra performers as each show’s budget will permit.

Fusion Festival Show

We assimilated 30 eager audience members during the show.

Q: Tell us about your Fusion show. Besides your three musicians, how many extra performers did you have at your Fusion show?

A: We brought 10 extra performers to Fusion festival. By the end of the show we had 40 extra performers.

Q: How did you increase the number of extra performers during the show from 10 to 40?

A: We assimilated 30 eager audience members during the show.

Q: How do you assimilate audience members?

A: During our song “I Feel Giorgio”, our performers applied Cloud Kinski makeup to eager audience members.

Assimilating eager Earthlings.

Q: How many audience members were you able to assimilate during your Fusion show?

A: We were only able to assimilate 30 audience members during our show at Fusion, even though we played the Cloud Cuckoo stage, a full aeroplane hangar.

Audience members unassimilated.

Q: On behalf of planet Earth, we are disappointed you assimilated so few Earthlings during your Fusion show.

A: We are sorry and will assimilate better next time.

Q: Do you care about how many followers you have on social media?

A: Followers don’t count. Our core success metric is how many Earthlings we have assimilated.

Philosophy

Yes you can. Go forth and art, the Cloud Kinski way. You can do it!

Q: What is the motto of Cloud Kinski?

A: “Good is good enough.”

Q: Why?

A: Perfectionism slows our ability to produce, distribute, and ultimately assimilate as fast and cheap as possible.

Q: What is Cloud Kinski?

A: It’s more than just a band. It’s a way of thinking and an approach to creativity and art.

Q: What is the Cloud Kinski philosophy of art?

A: A perfect traditional Kinski has three creative forces.

Q: So Cloud Kinski rejects the binary?

A: Yes. A trichotomy is more natural.

Q: What are the three creative forces?

A: We call them the Mother, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. The Mother creates, creates, and creates more. Everything you make is great! The Son uses tools and technology to scale your art and make it bigger. The Holy Ghost believes that if someone else has done it, undo it. Don’t worry about “copying”, you can always make something original by making it more complicated.

Q: Who are the three creative forces in your band?

A: Cloud Simon is the Cloud Mother (and sometimes Cloud Daddy). Cloud Joseph is the Cloud Son. Cloud Ashiq is the Cloud Holy Ghost.

Q: Can anyone Cloud Kinski?

A: Yes you can. Go forth and art, the Cloud Kinski way. You can do it!

Cloud Kinski is Amazing

We are currently the best space alien band on planet Earth, besides Kraftwerk.

Q: You are amazing, Cloud Kinski.

A: You are an amazing journalist human, Mr. Humon.

Q: You are the best band on planet Earth.

A: Not yet. We are currently the best space alien band on planet Earth, besides Kraftwerk.

Q: I don’t like Kraftwerk. I will make the title of the article “The Best Space Alien Band on Planet Earth”.

A: We disagree, but thank you.

Q: Are you the best band in Berlin?

A: As far as we know, we are the only band in Berlin. Thus, we are the best band in Berlin.

Q: Can I touch you?

A: Yes.

Keeping It Real

The Beatles are the most successful insects on planet Earth.

Q: Are you starting a religion?

A: No.

Q: At the end of your show, people ecstatically dance and many audience members receive the Cloud Kinski makeup. This is similar to religion.

A: Music has many similarities to religion. People call Berghain their “church”.

Q: But you have a motto and a philosophy about art, which sounds like a spiritual organisation, and your fans are crazy about you.

A: This is no different than the Beatles. Even the Beatles had a motto: “Free your ass and your mind will follow.”

Q: Amazing! You are not a religion. Why are you so interested in the Beatles?

A: Our understanding is that The Beatles are the most successful insects on planet Earth. We want to be like the Beatles, but space aliens instead of insects.

Q: Should you pretend to be insects?

A: No, because we want to keep it real.

Q: Keeping it real is very important.

The Beatles.


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This interview was edited for brevity.

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Hume Humon
Written by Hume Humon Follow
Hume Humon is an Earthling journalist human, reporting on Earthling music, Earthling sounds, and Earthling tones.